When they tell you to keep moving forward, they never tell you what you’ll find along the way. So far, for me, it’s mostly been more road, stretching out ahead of me. Hills on the horizon hide the twists and turns, but from crest to crest, the path remains visible. Naturally, finding my way to the next hilltop is rarely as straightforward as I hope it will be, but we keep moving forward, and we find our way to that next crest.
For me, lately, it’s been a matter of assembling all the pieces of my life. I have them all laid out before me, but some are rotated incorrectly, some I can’t see how to connect just yet, and most frustratingly, assembling these pieces is not nearly as simple as pushing a jigsaw puzzle piece into place. The pieces of my life each require focus, discipline, and dedication—not only to position them in the first place, but for them to remain there.
That’s the struggle. I poke fun at the tag line from Linkin Park’s “Breaking the Habit” because in real life it takes more than one night to actually break a habit (though I do recognize the journey has to start somewhere). I can go to bed properly (on time, correct wind down routine, etc), but if I don’t the next night, the one time I did it right doesn’t do that much for me. Similarly, working out intermittently doesn’t have any of the benefit that regular workouts do. Habits have to be habits in order to function properly, and that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that bad habits build themselves, while good habits seem not to self-sustain at all (at least in my life). That’s the challenge for me: maintaining the good habits and fighting off the bad ones, all at the same time.
Some things I’ve been able to maintain through this rough patch. Posting here every week was obviously not one of those places, but since I started streaming (except for the fallout from going to Vermont), I’ve kept reasonably consistent with it. My day job is perfectly sound, and though I’m not very good at being on time (for anything), my position is secure. Adventures in Aryest and its associated pieces continue to grow and become more intricate. I miss having a day every week to devote specifically to writing, but I have to work the soil which is more fertile. For me, for now, that’s Twitch and applying for a proper job in my field. Ideally, remote work would facilitate me continuing to get to do the things I love, while also representing an increase in income and resume-worthy experience.
For now, we keep moving forward as the pieces of my life continue to fall into place. I need to build up the good habits I used to maintain without letting the ones I still maintain slip. I need to quell the bad habits, and work against new ones forming. And most importantly, I can do it. Your support pushes me forward, and I thank you for it. I’ll be back next week, as this is one habit I can’t go without any longer.